04. August 2011 here now 14
The fictional American version of high school inhabited by Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy and John Cusack simply does not exist. I know this is hard for you to hear. But you will never wake up and just be Samantha Mathis in Pump Up The Volume. Tim Riggins… Accept this now: No one will ever hold his boombox up outside your window, playing Peter Gabriel. I am reading about development and brain chemistry, and I have to tell you… These scenes, these movies, they are shaping your very synaptic pathways. Shermer, Illinois. In other news:
- Acne is not magically lifted away with the issue of a valid ID at age 21.
- Get ready for the Internet! There will be personals on it, and you’ll meet your husband there. Trust me. It’s both much more and much less revolutionary than it seems at first.
- Here is a secret about your hair: Just leave it alone. It is still damaged from that terrible cut-rate perm. (I blame Top Gun for that one.)
- Somewhere in your closet is a dress from junior high. A kind of long, tailored, mock-turtle-neck sweatshirt. Neon — but neon — yellow. A triangular patch of black leopard print cuts down over one shoulder. Don’t throw it away!
- About that Internet, and “options.” Read my lips: Diversify. The. Stock.