24. October 2011 here now 0
Scotch after dinner vs. swimming laps at dawn. The moment the sky turns gray-pink like the underbelly of a river dolphin and the fluorescent lights around the pool switch off vs. the moment the hot water hits my skin in the locker room shower. Someone else’s hair on the stall door vs. the sense that this shower gets scrubbed more often than my own. “Oh, but you see, I have kids…” vs. “That’s when I came back to my sense of my professional identity.” Lack of professional identity vs. lack of money. “first world problems” vs. “money can’t buy me love.” It’s a bad idea vs. it’s how I feel. Extrinsic motivation vs. intrinsic motivation. Peanut butter vs. white chocolate macademia. Punching above my weight class vs. cutting weight. Playing the game vs. believing in the work. Hybrid cars vs. The Orange Crush. Loving the sun vs. missing the fall. As many pumpkins as you want vs. as many costumes as you want. Princesses vs. fairies. Gossip vs. social engagement. Social engagement vs. work. Work vs. purpose. Purpose vs. cocktails. Freedom vs. dilettante. Multi-tasking vs. lack of focus. Occupy Los Angeles vs. volunteering to facepaint at the preschool Halloween Costume Parade. Time vs. timing. Hip vs. square. Autonomy vs. Intimacy. The moment when the veil recedes, where I feel that I can apprehend the shape of my own mind, feel the texture of my own flaws vs. b*&ch be crazy. Girl, you gotta change your crazy ways vs. son of a b*&ch.